UN investigators angry at Israel

UN investigators determine that Israel did use the cluster bombs (breaking promises made to the US and international conventions). What made them even more angry was the timing: They claim 90% of them were used in the last 72 hours of the conflict, when a cease fire was being arranged and both sides claimed to want to stop the killing of civilians. Cluster bombs are most effective in killing civilians, especially children who find the round clusters which explode if touched. See Chick's SQUATTERS.

Polygamous Fundy Mormon leader arrested

Warren Jeffs, the polygamous leader of Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is arrested in Nevada. He is said to have 40 wives and 60 children, and he married his male supporters to multiple wives, some of which were as young as 13. His group also owned all the property of it's followers, and forced those who disobeyed out of their homes. Since the judges, police, and school leaders were also members, those who were punished had no place to turn. See Chick's THE VISITORS.

Did Israel break US deal on weapons?

Another controversy over the recent Middle East war breaks out. Many unexploded cluster bombs have been discovered in the homes, gardens and roads of Lebanon. These weapons were given to Israel by the US under secret agreement never to use them against civilians, since they are used to kill rather than damage and are against the Geneva Conventions. If shown to have been deliberately used by Israel, it would not only have broken international law, but would also indicate Israel was lying about trying to reduce civilians casualties during the conflict. See Chick's LOVE THE JEWISH PEOPLE.

FDA approves "morning after" pill

Earlier in the week, the FDA approved "Plan B", a morning after pill for women to take up to 72 hours after having sex to prevent pregnancy. It is predicted to reduce unwanted pregnancies by 50%, and thereby reduce abortions as well. (It works 90% of the time.) The new drug doesn't require a prescription for females 18 or over. Liberals are angry children can't get it without a prescription, and conservatives are worried it will encourage unprotected sex. Meanwhile, a new technique has been developed that allows doctors to develop new lines of stem cells without killing the embryo. Both developments could reduce some of the controversy over abortion, although the Catholic church is opposed to both advances. See Chick's WHO MURDERED CLARICE?

Germany gives Madonna Pass on Hate Speech

Germany decides not to arrest Madonna for hate speech, a law that permits the state to arrest people for insulting minority groups with their words and deeds. (Madonna lampoons the crucifixion in her latest tour.) A similar law was used in Austria to imprison historian David Irving, who insulted Jews by suggesting the Holocaust was exaggerated. But Madonna only insulted Christians, and they don't seem to matter as much. Gotta love that double standard! See Chick's THE TRIAL.

Palestinian group kidnaps 2 FOX newsmen

A hereto unknown group of Palestinian gunmen took two Fox newsmen as hostage and demanded the USA release Muslim prisoners in 72 hours. That won't happen, so either the newsmen are toast or the gunmen need a reality check. See Chick's MEN OF PEACE?

France downgrades pledge on Mid East Peace

After condemning the USA for not doing enough to stop the fighting in the Middle East, France backs out of it's pledge to provide 4,000 troops to enforce a cease fire. (They now say they will provide 200 soldiers instead.) See Chick's Men of Peace?

Mel Gibson rejects offer to beg forgiveness at Temple

Jews float ideas how Mel Gibson can "prove" he's sorry for anti-Jewish remarks made while he was arrested driving DUI. One of the few ideas for punishment that did not involve him paying large sums of money to Jewish causes is that Gibson publicly beg forgiveness at a Jewish temple. Gibson declined, however. Perhaps he should custom print and distribute 10,000 copies of Chick's Love The Jewish People.

Judge sent to prison for public exposure in court

A judge is sent to prison and fined $40K for exposing himself in court. See Chick's The Last Judge.

Gore gets heat for heating three homes

Al Gore gets criticized for preaching smaller living while living in three giant homes. His latest film promotes an end-of-the-world scenario very similar to the ones Chick lampoons in his classic tract, The Great Escape.

Madonna exploits Christ image on tour

Mondonna -- the same rock singer who sold $50 books of herself having sex in the 1980s-- has a new gimmick to get free media attention. She climbs up on a cross during concert. The exploitation of the crucifixion has both the Catholic church and the Church of England up in arms. She will probably not do it in Germany, however, where she could be arrested under "hate speech" laws usually reserved for imprisoning Nazis and others who offend various minority groups. See Chick's Angels?

Murdered Minister's wife free on bail

The wife arrested for murdering her husband (a minister) is free on bond. She'll work at a dry cleaners for a while. Investigators say she killed her husband after a fight over money. Part of the problem seems to have been that they lost a lot of money over an internet scam, where they're told they won a big prize, but need to give their bank information so a small processing fee can be deducted (and the account is drained). See Chick's The Scam.

"God's Tree" leaks water?

Water is found leaking from an oak tree in the yard of a family named Pope. So, naturally, it's assumed to be a miracle. Meanwhile, in Poland, authorities admit that the statue of Pope John Paul that leaked water and attracted devoted Catholics as a "miracle", was actually a broken water pipe. Who'd ever have thunk it? See Chick's Death Cookie.

Cease Fire planned for Monday

The UN has negotiated a cease fire for Israel and Lebanon to go into effect on Monday. Expect the fighting and killing to continue until the last minute of Sunday night.

Meanwhile, Republican Dick Army tells the BBC "Religion" program that he believes in the Rapture and he thinks the President does as well. He does not, however, believe that any Republican leaders think it is right to "speed up" Armageddon by fueling the fighting in the Middle East. See Chick's Who's Missing?

Castro turns 80

Happy death-- er-- BIRTHday to Fidel Castro as he turns 80 today. The dictator who murdered opposition leaders when to seized power decades ago in Cuba is still in the hospital. He has temporarily transferred power to his younger brother. See Chick's Fat Cats.

Hillary in Sex Museum

Hillery Clinton's statue is presented in New York's "Sex Museum". The artist claims she will be the first female President of the United States. Of course, the real question is, if it's really the Sex Museum, where are the statues of Bill and Monica? See Chick's Royal Affair.

Lieberman Loses Senate Seat

Senator Joe Lieberman (an Orthodox Jew) loses his primary bid for the Democratic spot on the ballot to "cut and run" anti-war candidate, Ned Lamont. Lamont's supporters denounced Lieberman for his pro-Israel support and some claimed he was too Jewish, saying "Jews only care about Jews". Oddly enough, Hillary Clinton, who crowed in the last election that she was half Jewish, has made no mention of it this time around and has not been punished for voting to support the war. See Chick's Passover Plot?

Bikes, Dykes, and She-its

The 2nd runner up in the women's downhill mountain bike race protested her loss by one second to a she-it who had a sex change. The 2nd place winner was disciplined for wearing a T-shirt that read "100% real woman", and apologized for her protest. As to the transexual who came in first, the big question remains: Which gender bike did it ride? See Chick's Sin City.

In other bike/ hormone news, American Tour de France winner Landis lost his first place title since he had elevated levels of male hormones in his urine. (Talk about pissing off the French, now he'll have to go Oui, Oui all the way home.) Spain is the new winner. See Chick's Caught!

Pat Robertson converts... to global warming

The (talking) head of the 700 Club, Pat Robertson, said yesterday he is a convert to Global Warming. Critics thought Robertson would jump in with the likes of Al Gore when hell freezed over. Maybe that's where all the heat is coming from?

Israel bombs Christian strongholds

In a surprising change of direction in the bombing campaign of Lebanon, Israel attacks Christian areas that are not Militant strongholds. The motivation is unclear, or if the attacks were an accident, but five are known to have been killed. In other war related news, 28 Arab farm workers are killed by airstrikes as they unloaded veggies. Aid workers criticize Israel's bombing of the last road into Lebanon that could supply food and medicine to those in need (Israel worries it could also resupply weapons). And Sec. of State Rice joins the EU in calling for a cease fire.