Longest living LDS President Hinckley dies at 97

President Gordon B. Hinckley, who led The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints through twelve years of global expansion, has died at the age of 97.

President Hinckley was the 15th president in the 177-year history of the Church and had served as its president since 12 March 1995.

The Church president died at his apartment in downtown Salt Lake City at 7:00 p.m. Sunday night, January 27, 2008 from causes incident to age. Members of his family were at his bedside. A successor is not expected to be formally chosen by the Church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles until after President Hinckley’s funeral within the next few days.

The mainstream news media has neglected to discuss the sexual scandal involving allegations of homosexual misconduct and allegations of consorting with prostitutes on behalf of Mr. Hinckley that plagued him back in the 1990's. If he were a Pentecostal televangelist, such allegations would have made worldwide headlines, even if later proven to be either untrue or at least unsubstantiated. Only the Mormon church has the power to suppress scandalous allegations of its leaders and hide it's political agenda from prying eyes. The Mormon church even squeezed a rare apology from the news program 60 Minutes for an expose done on the church's dealings. A radio host was even fired when he aired an interview with Charles Van Damm, a gay man with AIDS, who alleged he had a gay affair with Hinckley. The mainstream media chose never to investigate the allegations.

See Chick Publications' newest Crusaders comic, "The Enchanter"

Science Creates Life

According to the BBC last night, scientists have reproduced a live bacteria using lab chemicals. They described it as "artificial life". The details are still very vague, but more is sure to come out since it could be their first claim to creating life. See Chick's CREATOR OR LIAR?

Man Dies During Mass, Priest Ingores It

A Catholic Priest in Italy ignored a man dying of a heart attack during mass and continued delivering the ritual. No, it's not a joke, it's a real news story! When asked why didn't do something, he delivered what sounded like a punch line: "The Mass has to be celebrated and it wouldn't be right to stop it just for one person." Expect something about this to pop up in Battlecry! See Chick's ARE ROMAN CATHOLICS CHRISTIAN?

Saddam's Fans Mourn Him

Followers of the former dictator of Iraq mourn the bloody ruler's death on the anniversary of his execution. Many publicly paraded about in his home town whipping themselves to show how distraught they were. It's ironic, since his guards did much worse then whipping, when it came to treatment of their prisoners. Video tape footage shows them throwing political prisoners to their deaths off the roof of same jail our troops got in trouble for hazing terrorists. Isn't it odd that that video only played on CNN one day, whereas the photos of the hazing by US troops played over and over again for months on end? Maybe they should check with Richard Pearl (the beheaded reporter) to find out how much the terrorists appreciate our media's sympathy when it comes to reporting on the war. See Chick's MEN OF PEACE.

Catholics Demonstrate in Spain

Catholic protesters held a giant rally to protest the Socialist party before the upcoming elections.They are still furious that the Socialist party that won power in an surprise upset (thanks to the Madrid bombings) legalized gay marriage in the Catholic country. They are likely to have a tough time winning a second term. See Chick's SIN CITY.

Socialist Dictator Throws Oil Weight Around

Venezuelan Socialist Dictator Hugu Chavez forbids any companies from selling Asphalt to the US. He claims it is because he needs the oil rock mixture to pave his own country, but if that;s the case, why only single out the USA? (He's had a chip on his shoulder after losing the recent election to gut his country's constitution and replace it with a Socialist contract.) He has gone as far as to threaten to Nationalize any company that does sell asphalt to America. Way to go little dictator! See Chick's FAT CATS.

Talk to Satan? Dial 666--sorry, that number is no longer in service!

The residents of Reeves, Louisiana have had the "666" telephone prefix of the beast since the early 1960's, and Christians in the town have been complaining since. Finally, the constant bellyaching paid off and for the next three months residents will have the option of changing their prefix to 749. Those who want to keep "the omen" prefix will be able to do so. See Chick's THE BEAST.

Florida Considers Sex With Animals

My illustrious home state of Florida is considering making sex with animals illegal. The Governor (who critics claim is gay) has stated he will sign the measure if it passes. The bill was proposed after a Florida man was arrested for having sex with a pregnant goat, who later died from the "affair". Then it was discovered no laws are on the books making sex with animals illegal, and the perv/perp was set free. What was not revealed is just who the father of the baby goat was... Man or beast? See Chick's CURSE OF BAPHOMET.

Preacher Wins Iowa GOP Caucus

Former Arkansas Gov. and Baptist preacher Mike Huckabee won the GOP Caucus in Iowa, as evangelicals turned out in force and voted against Mitt Romney (a Mormon). However, Rudolf Giuliani skipped the state, planning to focus on Florida instead. Liberal spin masters hope Huckabee will continue to stay on top, or that Sen. John McCain will gain in the next primary, since both candidates are the most liberal of the GOP line up, but it's unclear if this first vote will have any lasting effect in the next several primaries. Democrats seem to favor Huckabee in general, since they can smear him in the general election using his sermons on creationism, gay marriage, and feminism. Conservative Republicans are non-plussed by his soft stance on illegal immigration, since he proposed giving scholarships to illegals. As the front runner, he will have to dodge a lot of arrows from both sides. Meanwhile, Sen. Obama won the Democrat caucus, leaving Hillary Clinton in 3rd place. See Chick's BUSTED.

Preacher Mike Huckabee wants statehood for D.C.

The latest from the Reverend and Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, Republican presidential candidate, is that Washington, D.C. should have statehood. This was broadcast on NPR. Democrats view this as an opportunity for a predominently black city to have what no other city has-its own representatives and its own senators. Statehood for Washington, D.C. is the latest example of Huckabee's decidedly unconservative views, among them including granting scholarships and in-state tuition for children of illegal immigrants.