Rabbi Marries Gay Jews

Six years ago, Areleh Harel, an Orthodox rabbi from the West Bank, devised a
plan to help an Orthodox Jewish gay man fulfill his dream of becoming a husband
and father while keeping him in good standing with Jewish law and his community
of believers. The solution: marry him to a lesbian.

Through a friend, Harel found an Orthodox lesbian who also wanted a traditional
family. Within a year, the couple married. They now have two children. No one
suspects they are gay. Since that first arrangement, Harel has matched 13
gay-lesbian couples. (See why gay marriage still isn't marriage for the
religious.)

Until this spring, only a handful of people knew of his matchmaking project.
Then Harel mentioned it during a panel discussion in Jerusalem on gay rights. A
local reporter wrote about it, and the news went viral.

Many gay leaders criticized the marriages, calling them deceitful and
repressive. But several prominent rabbis supported Harel, calling his work a
mitzvah, or good deed. As the news spread, Harel's phone began ringing. Orthodox
gay men were calling to ask: Could this be right for me?

Harel, 37, says the number of gay people seeking these matches sparked his
decision to take his project to the next level — the Internet. By September, he
plans to unveil an online matchmaking service for Orthodox gay people. "This is
the best solution we can offer people who want to live within the halacha
[Jewish law]," Harel says. "This may not be a perfect solution, but it's kind of
a solution." (See pictures of same-sex couples getting married in New York.)

The matchmaking project comes at a time when Orthodox gay and lesbian groups are
pressuring rabbis for acceptance. Prior to 2007, there were no Orthodox gay
organizations in Israel. Now there are five, including one based in Jerusalem.
In many ways, Israel is ground zero for gay rights for Orthodox Jewish people.
Advocates say that if rabbis in the Holy Land become more accepting of gay
people, that tolerance will reverberate outward into Orthodox communities
throughout the world, which often take their cues from Israel.

The online matchmaking service will be fully operational by the end of the year,
Harel says. He's in the process of training five matchmakers, all of whom are
heterosexual. Harel will stay on as a consultant but will limit his involvement
to spend more time with his wife and four children. Harel is working with a
closeted gay man who uses the pseudonym Amit and runs an Orthodox-gay
organization called Kamoha, which is Hebrew for "Like us." Their plan is to set
up the online service through Kamoha's website. Subscribers would pay a fee of
about $42 and fill out a survey explaining what they want in a mate. A
matchmaker would then arrange meetings between potential couples. If a match is
made, the bride and groom would each pay 1,500 shekels ($430). Harel and Amit
plan to call the service Anachnu, Hebrew for "We."

Amit, who is 28, has no interest in marrying a lesbian. He says that after years
of therapy, he has come to realize he is "100% gay." But he says he knows other
gay men who are "less gay" and enjoy sex with a woman. "We're not pushing this
on people," says Amit. "This is for people who want this because Jewish law says
this is the normal way and because it's the easiest way to have children."

See a timeline of the fight for gay rights around the world.

But other religious gays say it's an unhealthy way to live. "I am not the one to
judge, but if you ask me what a family is, it's about caring, loving and
sharing," says Daniel Jonas, a gay Orthodox man who lives in Jerusalem and is
the spokesman for an Orthodox-gay organization called Havruta. "This kind of
technical relationship, it is not based on love, and I do believe that if the
parents don't love each other, the kids will feel it. It's not healthy for the
kids or for their parents to live like this."

The condemnation of homosexuality in Orthodox communities in Israel has
historically been so strong that many gay Orthodox Jews have felt they had two
choices: remain in the closet or stop being religious. That mind-set has changed
in recent years as leaders of Jewish Queer Youth, an "Ortho-gay" organization
based in Manhattan, began connecting with burgeoning gay-rights groups in
Israel, offering support and advice. ("Is Israel Using Gay Rights to Excuse Its
Policy on Palestinians?")

Orthodox rabbis continue to point to Leviticus 18: 22 as proof that God does not
accept homosexuality. The verse reads, "You shall not lie with a male as one
lies with a woman; it is an abomination." Harel concurs, saying, "You can't
change the laws of the Torah. This is what God wants. If God wanted gay people
to live together, he would come down and tell us."

In May, as part of a fellowship sponsored by the International Center for
Journalists, this reporter found herself sitting in a car on a lonely road at 2
a.m. with Harel, waiting to meet one of the gay men he had matched with a
lesbian. Harel received a text message. The man was ready. Harel pulled the car
up to a man standing with his thumb out, as if he were hitchhiking. The man
climbed inside and said he wanted to go by the name "Josh."

Josh, 30, was a rugged man with close-cropped hair. He wore a crocheted yarmulke
— the kind Orthodox Zionists wear. We drove to a desolate park. Josh was
hesitant at first, but once he started to talk, he opened up about what he
called his lifelong struggle with homosexuality. He said he spent most of his
20s trying to force himself to be straight, but it didn't work. He'd have
girlfriends as a front, while engaging in trysts with men. "I had a crisis with
God," Josh said. "I felt like God screwed me." Josh desperately wanted to have a
family and "feel like a normal man." Through an Internet chat group for gay men,
he heard about Harel. (Watch TIME's video of gay couples getting married in the
Heartland.)

In 2008, Harel introduced Josh to an Orthodox lesbian. Six months later, they
married. They now have an 11-month-old son. Josh admits to cheating three times,
most recently in February with a former gay lover who is married to a straight
woman. "I haven't told my wife, but I think she knows. She can see it in my face
when I come home," Josh said. "But she gives me space. I really love her because
she understands me."

Harel says he raises the question of infidelity when he's making a match and
tells couples they should be clear on what they want. "If he will go with
another man, it's his business. If she wants to go with another woman, that's
her business. It's up to each couple," Harel says. "I don't accept it from the
point of view of the Jewish law. But it's not my business." See Chicks WHERE'S RABBIE WAXMAN.